Random thoughts, (some up, some down), to end September

As I said in a previous post, last week was great because I kept myself busy the entire time getting ready for the dinner party on Friday. (And I need to add here that one of the books that was crucial to the dinner party's success FINALLY arrived from the library today, all of two and a half weeks after I place the request. I had to find the actual book in a bookstore and copy down the recipes.) This week has been a big ol' letdown so far. Since I see no point in buying unlimited Metro Cards for the time being, I tend to stay in my neighborhood a lot. No problem as it's a nice neighborhood, (one of the cast members from "As the World Turns" lives up here and I see him all the time) but some weeks are more boring than others. This is one of them. Perhaps it's the cold and the fact that people are bundling up. I like cold weather, always have and will, but this year it reminds me how much time is going by and that I am still out of work. I'm looking forward to a nice Indian summer if anything to get those Columbia boys back in t-shirts.

Also compounding the general malaise is the sudden uptick in rejection letters that I am getting. I suppose it's good that there seems to be movement but none of the movement is in my direction. But I still send out those resume dutifully and faithfully every day. I know a job will come, but I just don't want it to happen too late. Yeah, the news is rather depressing about the job situation and I know so many others are in the same situation as I, but I get a little selfish and think, "Yes, but only I can control what happens to me." So I second guess myself, wonder what I am doing wrong, wonder if I have done nothing but take the wrong career path my entire life, kick myself when another rejection arrives as though it's some form of judgement.

Nevertheless, there is something satisfying about sending out resumes, knowing that you're working on getting it out there, that each day your name goes out to more and more people, like a ripple effect in a pond. And the more who know about me, the better the odds have to be mathematically. Right? RIGHT??? It's that conundrum: I know I can do the job well, but these people can only choose one person and in this competitive climate, they'll go with the most "golden" resume. And so I am still here and so ashamed to admit that last week, I made it a point to tune into "Oprah" to see the Mackenzie Phillips debacle. Oh, how I've fallen.

Geez, thank god for this blog so I can get it all out. I don't want there to be too much annoying navel-gazing here but every now and then I have to vent.

So, let's talk Sarah Palin for a second. And only for a second for that's all I can take. The woman is incapable of stringing together a coherent thought - this is not saying she cannot form a sentence, she can. It's just that her sentences makes very little sense. Therefore, her book will be completely ghostwritten as we know. The only thing that bugs me is that it probably will be a bestseller. I guess there's no accounting for taste.

And finally, a farewell to September, a month that began with me on Martha's Vineyard, having one of the most glorious vacations ever, to a more sobering month as some friends lost loved ones, members of the family sold their homes, ending an era, and a final gathering was held on the ground of another relatives home that will be sold soon. That was especially moving as it was the place where our families have been gathering since I was an infant (and before) and I'm sad to see the house go.

As I finish writing this, somewhere outside my window, some old creaky door is opening and it sounds like the effect used in horror movies for coffins. That can only mean that it's time for October.

Another month, more possibilities.